i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize