If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
4 words: hood of his car
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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