True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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