I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize