Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My breasts were aching with rage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
