i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
