Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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