yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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