I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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