And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
