Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There r osticjed everywhere
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
