I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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