I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
