You're so nebulous sometimes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
