my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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