we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
