"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
