Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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