that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
