I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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