Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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