JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
there is glitter all over my balls
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
