I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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