3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize