Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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