No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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