Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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