i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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