Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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