she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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