I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
