I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
