I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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