It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
