Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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