perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
