Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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