sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
