She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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