I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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