he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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