I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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