i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
