Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
