I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
