At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
