OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
