i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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