Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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