Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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