I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
