girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
