no, he came in my armpit
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize