the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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