No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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