youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
