I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am available for nakedness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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