Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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