it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize