My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
