I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
