belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
