She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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