You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
