he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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