when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
