carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
