On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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