dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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