I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
