WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
