Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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