dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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