Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize