Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
