oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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