Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
