It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
