Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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