Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
