But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
