I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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