So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
