John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
