the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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