I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
