if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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