It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
