So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
