Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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