Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
