I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
