Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
