No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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