she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize