I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
