Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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