her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
